dahlia in my garden: Rio Fuego in Coleus leaves

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Tuesday-Newsday #27

Our stories these week come from these subjects: Product Warning, Pain Rx, Patient News, and Rheumatoid Arthritis. The final category is Living with Pain which features a a blog post by Sue Faulker-Wood titled, “The Public You Versus the Private You in a Life of Chronic Pain.”

Let Me Know: If you’d like me to watch for articles on your pain condition, just drop me a note in the comments section below.

WARNING:  My goal is to provide the most up-to-date news I can, which you can then take to your personal doctor and debate the merits of before you try it. I do not endorse any of the docs, treatments, info, meds, etc., in anything I post nor can I guarantee that they are all effective, especially not for everyone. I always include the citation, source, or website so you know where it came from. As is the case with any health info, ALWAYS get your doctor's opinion first!
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*ALERT*: PRODUCT WARNING 

*PAIN Rx

*PATIENT NEWS
*RHEUMATOID ARTHRITIS
*LIVING WITH CHRONIC PAIN
by Sue Falkner-Wood 


Saturday, August 27, 2011

Turning the Kaleidoscope to Set Your Phoenix Free

Back in June, I rediscovered some poems and writings which I wrote years ago when I was in a really dark emotional place. I had finally gotten diagnosed with a chronic degenerative illness, my pain was not being managed, I had become depressed, anorexic, and ultimately suicidal. I was hospitalized more than a few times for my own safety. Through it all, I kept a journal so I could write out my unedited thoughts, free from judgment, and try to work through my jumbled and frightening feelings.

I was struggling with very serious questions: How was I going to live a life of disability and chronic pain? Could I accept what the future might bring? Did I really want to give up on life entirely? I was mired for many months of psychological self-torture as I grappled with how to surrender to the fact my life would never be the same.

During my last hospitalization, my thoughts really began to come into focus - rather like a kaleidoscope. At first, I could see all the bits and pieces of what I knew I needed to do, but I couldn’t see how to fit them all together. My perception kept shifting over and over, but I began to feel like I was getting close to reaching something profound.

Flower Kaleidoscope photo by Michel Kotski

As I read through those old journal pages today, I found it interesting that I wrote a rather desperate and agonized poem right after being admitted to the ward. However, by the next day, I began to organize the scattered, anguished images in the poem and to discern a new set of possibilities for myself. I just had to completely accept my illness and unknown future, and abandon all thoughts of throwing away my life.

These two writings, the poem and the following journal entry, show a progression of logic, hope, and faith. I believe sharing both of them could possibly resonate with someone else who is struggling in the same way, trapped in the identical emotional battle I was. If you are that person, I pray reading them will help you in your struggle. 

Looking back now, it seemed impossible that any future I could have would be worth living. But let me say emphatically, however difficult things get or how much pain I have to endure, there is always joy in life. It is far to precious to squander. Trust me.
How Can I?

How can I rebuild my life
torn down by doubt and pain,
my dearest joys, desires, and hopes
eclipsed by illness' reign?

How can I let go of the past
when loss so raw and deep,
haunts and taunts me with what was,
both waking and asleep?

With rage and fear; guilt, grief, and hurt,
pounding waves stretched out before,
how can I reach the isle of hope
when I cannot see the shore?

The threat of more illness hovers near
how can I risk the chance,
of trying to move forward and
lose yet more independence?

How can I stem the angry tide
of resentment toward myself,
make peace with body, feelings, soul;
accept as worthy this damaged self?

How can I rebuild my life?
I desperately wish to believe
that there is hope, though I see none
and all I can do is grieve.

by Shannon Walker


Journal Entry, the following day:

How can I move on to a new life, without giving the old one its respect, a purposeful closing, a grieving for that forceably taken from my grasp? I think true promise - dare I say, even happiness? - can’t be born out of bitterness and holding on to “the way life was.” How can you move past that if you don’t grieve the losses, cry over your new limitations, lament the blows to your independence, and acknowledge the terror of an uncertain future? 

Denying those feelings, suppressing them, will poison your attempts to move forward from the inside out. It seems to me that an underlying resentfulness, even victimhood, would taint your attitude toward your attempts at a new life. That resentfulness can only be slain with a true and honest grieving, a ritual cremation from which the phoenix of a new, hopeful, promising, and distinctly different life rises from the ashes of the old one.

I can’t even fathom what it will take to do this, or how long, or whether in truth I actually can achieve it. I just know I have to go through it so the phoenix can be born and spread its wings.

The people who tell me I shouldn’t think negative thoughts, or dwell on the past, or that others have it worse than me (and then tell me amazing stories of courage of people struck with illness and disability and how they overcame it) - this is NOT helpful. It invalidates my feelings, makes me feel guilty, and a bad, weak person. Those thoughts will not aid my journey to the phoenix of new life.

The grieving over the old life must run its course in its own time. The feelings are raw, deep, painful. I wish I could speed up the process to escape the overwhelm. But I must deal fully with putting my old life to rest before I can move on.

And yes, I’m sure I’ll have times in my new life - if I get there - when I’ll have painful memories and longings for the old life. But I hope, with my grieving complete, they will be fleeting or of short duration. And the new life, once firmly established, will surely have more exciting and pleasurable distractions of its own.
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To read the other poetry I’ve posted on this blog, click below:




Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Tuesday-Newsday #26

This week’s our subjects are Chronic Pain in Women, Patient News, Cancer, Arthritis, and a Study Seeking Pain Patients in Philly. To finish off, I’m linking to a newsletter by Jan Sadler of PainSupportUK called, “Doing Too Much” about how we often push ourselves too hard and don’t listen to the warnings our bodies give us.

Let Me Know: If you’d like me to watch for articles on your pain condition, just drop me a note in the comments section below.

WARNING:  My goal is to provide the most up-to-date news I can, which you can then take to your personal doctor and debate the merits of before you try it. I do not endorse any of the docs, treatments, info, meds, etc., in anything I post nor can I guarantee that they are all effective, especially not for everyone. I always include the citation, source, or website so you know where it came from. As is the case with any health info, ALWAYS get your doctor's opinion first!
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*CHRONIC PAIN in WOMEN
*PATIENT NEWS
*CANCER 
*ARTHRITIS

New Online Arthritis Panel: The Arthritis Foundation is seeking people to join their new panel so you can share what arthritis sufferers want and need, learn what other patients are saying, and to amplify your voice and make a difference. To join, go HERE

*CHRONIC PAIN STUDY SEEKING PATIENTS in PHILADELPHIA

Chronic pain patients are invited to receive a free Integrative pain consultation/evaluation at the Jefferson-Myrna Brind Center of Integrative Medicine. Patients will participate in an assessment designed to help manage pain and to study the effectiveness of an integrative treatment approach. You are eligible if you’ve had *any* type of chronic pain for at least three months. To learn more, call the Center at 215-503-7329. Dr. Daniel A. Monti is the Director of the Center and conducting this study. This info was provided by the RSDSA (Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Association) 



*LIVING WITH CHRONIC PAIN
by Jan Sadler of PainSupportUK


Saturday, August 20, 2011

Sometimes We Need a ‘Jump Start’

A few months ago, I wrote a blog post about my new carnivorous plant: Fang, the Venus Flytrap. You can read the original piece about him here, at “Don’t Isolate Yourself.”

I was able to get Fang through the poor weather in May and early June, and with the warmer weather I was at last able to move him outside next to my other carnivorous plants. He did well for awhile, but then I realized that each week I was having to cut away too many dead leaves and blackened traps. For an unknown reason, Fang was not happy. I had not moved him from the original pot and planting material he came in; I theorized that perhaps he needed to be completely repotted. Could a change of soil and environment give Fang a jump start toward health? I decided it was worth a try.

Today I gathered together what I knew are ideal items for a Venus Flytrap to grow in. I mixed them all together with water, making a consistency rather like clumpy, watery cake batter. After I placed Fang in his new pot and soil, I soaked spagnum moss in water and placed it around the top so it would hold in moisture no matter the weather or temperature. Having done all this, I returned Fang to his place on my balcony. Now I can only wait and see if I have done enough to help improve Fang’s life.

Just like Fang, sometimes we also need a jump start toward health. It’s easy to get stuck in a rut, doing the same things over and over but not getting any real benefits. Have you been using the same medication regimen, been taking the same treatments, doing the same exercises, trying the same therapies, sticking with the same routine - but not feeling any better or perhaps even feeling worse? Maybe it’s time for a little jump start toward health.

Fang, the Venus Flytrap, sits in his new pot.
Behind him are my other carnivorous plants, including Sundews,
Pitcher Plants, and a Butterwort (with the purple flower)

Talk to your doctor and see if there’s something new you should try. Maybe you need only make some small changes like altering a medication you already take or adding more hours of sleep into your schedule. It could be that just a small modification will yield a positive result in your overall health and mood.

Or possibly, like Fang, you might want to get both feet wet and make a total change. It might be time for a complete medication overall if your pills don’t seem to be achieving the level of relief they should be providing you. If there’s some special therapy or treatment you’ve always wanted to try (I’ve always wanted to try Watsu and never have) it could be this is the time to try it. See if you can pull together your entire treatment team: doctor, physical therapist, psychologist, nutritionist, pain specialist, etc. and ask them their thoughts on how to help you. It’s even better if you can get them all in the same room or on a conference call and discuss your issues at the same time. Lots of new ideas and theories can come up during such a session. 

If you find yourself slogging along in the same routine but you feel you’re struggling to get by, think of Fang. Whether it’s a big one or a small one, it may be time for a jump start!


Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Tuesday-Newsday #25

[Apologies for the late post! I was a bit of a zombie this morning, it's been a tough two weeks for me physically. But fear not! Here is Tuesday-Newsday just a few hours late]


This week we have news from these categories: Chronic Pain, Military Veterans in Pain, Fibromyalgia, Tendonitis, and Bursitis. Finally, I’ve chosen the subject of What Pain Can Teach with a link to the post “For All We Know” by Leslie of the blog site Getting Closer To Myself. This is an introspective piece which discusses the bad - and good - aspects of living with a chronic illness or painful condition.

Let Me Know: If you’d like me to watch for articles on your pain condition, just drop me a note in the comments section below.

WARNING:  My goal is to provide the most up-to-date news I can, which you can then take to your doctor and debate the merits of before you try it. I do not endorse any of the docs, treatments, info, meds, etc., in anything I post nor can I guarantee that they are all effective, especially not for everyone. I always include the citation, source, or website so you know where it came from. As is the case with any health info, ALWAYS get your doctor's opinion first!
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*CHRONIC PAIN 




see what the tattoo looks like HERE



*MILITARY VETERANS in PAIN






*FIBROMYALGIA




*TENDINITIS  and  BURSITIS





*WHAT PAIN CAN TEACH

by Leslie at Getting Closer to Myself

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Life Lessons from the Garden

Back in March when I was preparing to plant my spring seeds, I wrote a post about how those little seeds teach us life lessons. (You can read that post here: Seeds have needs... just like we do). Those seeds are plants now, and they are still dishing out advice.

Unlike most of the country, we’ve had an unseasonably cool summer. Although it’s more comfortable for me living in an apartment with no air conditioning, it certainly hasn’t been helpful for my garden! I have tall, bushy tomato plants all loaded up with green fruit... which just sits and refuses to ripen. We dug up my dahlias last fall so they were planted as tubers in late spring. I knew they’d be late but they shouldn’t be this late! We are nearly at mid-August and with thirty dahlia plants I should be drowning in blooms. They are coming in sooooo slowly. Just yesterday I got my first four dinner plate dahlia blooms, but I’m impatient for more. I’ve been cursing the weather and praying for the nights to warm up enough to encourage my garden to really hit its stride.

So, what lessons are my plants teaching me?

This is my first real arrangement of dahlias this season - at last! 

~* PATIENCE *~
I can complain about the weather all I like and wish for a greenhouse (ah, that would be so awesome!) but I cannot make Mother Nature change her mind about the temperature. Worrying about it and being discouraged by the wait brings me nothing but stress, which isn’t good for my health particularly with my current flare-up. I must learn patience. I know that I will get blooms from most of my dahlia plants this season, but even if I don’t, they will come back next year. The tomatoes... well, this could the second year in a row which will leave me without any crop. But fretting and swearing about it is not useful. At least we have a good farmer’s market nearby! I’ve got to learn to let it go and be patient.


~* DETERMINATION *~
Those plants sure are showing me determination! Despite the brisk nights with heavy fog which settle over the area until late morning every day, the plants have continued to push themselves toward their goal of fruition. How many times have we grappled with our chronic pain in a situation with imperfect conditions? It can be hard to drive ourselves forward when we are physically hurting and things just don’t seem to be going our way. We need some of that determination, an unwillingness to swerve from our purpose. A plant’s life can be very fragile, so dependent on having its needs met in ways it can’t affect on its own. We have far more choice and ability to meet our own needs; if something so delicate can face down and survive rough conditions, so can we with determination and a little help.
~* APPRECIATION *~
In years past, I get overloaded with dahlias by the end of the season. I start giving them away to friends, making arrangements for church and my YMCA, and even dump them on my manicurist. This year with the low number of dahlias, I have given away very few. They are far more precious to me. Waiting with great anticipation for each flower to fully open, I find myself paying more attention to the process. I try to guess how long it will take each popped bud to make it to full bloom, and I check each day to see how they are progressing. 

Sunlight shining through "Junkyard Dog" - truly a sight to stop & enjoy

What’s the lesson here?: Appreciate the things we take for granted. We race through life and barely notice the little things. Think of the adage, “Take time to stop and smell the roses.” Well, in this case it’s dahlias but I know you get what I’m saying. Appreciate the loved ones in your life, make sure you let them know how you feel. No matter what your illness or chronic pain level, remind yourself to be grateful for what you are able to do. Honor your body for being the vessel which takes you on your life’s journey toward your own 'soul blossoming'. It may not be perfect but it’s the body you have and it does work hard. Give it a little extra love and care. 

Be mindful of the moment you are in; just like a dahlia flower is beautiful and unique, it does not last forever. It will wilt and be gone before long. Embrace the love around you and take the time to really ‘see’ and experience all the things that make life special.